Sic Semper Socktopi

Welcome to my Autohagiography.

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Q&A: What can i do with all this money, Part III:

Special video game edition!

$10,000 and climbing Atari 2000 prototype, unreleased followup to the Atari 2600. (this item via waxy)

$1600 Game & Watch Super Mario Brothers. (read an explanation of the Game & Watch at wikipedia)

$500 boxed copy of the pornographic NES game Bubble Bath Babes (related topic: Custer's Revenge for the Atari 2600 where you attempt to rape a topless Indian woman tied to a cactus.)

Fun Fact: Pac-Man was originaly going to be called PUCK-MAN until it was realized that the P could be easily vandalized.

It's been said that Tommy Lee has a large penis. Instead, consider John Holmes, the basis for much of Boogie Nights. John Holmes has a very large penis. (very extremely completely NSFW)

Try making a 4'' diameter circle with your hands. Amazing!

President Obama
The only thing you've really missed if you haven't been watching the convention is the speech by America's (Future) First Black President, Barack Obama.
Watch it from cspan here. (real player, 18 min stream)


Forget blogging coverage of this week's Democratic Convention. It's all about 5 time Jeopardy winner Bob Harris's coverage of the 2000 convention.

Q&A continued that is, what if someone had too much money and wanted to know what they might buy from ebay...

Well, there is always a $600 Care Bear Cousin (Reserve Not Met).

And a $93 inch-tall pvc figure of a Smurf playing rugby. And seriously, what's the deal with the "angry black smurf" character? I think he must have been cut from the American cartoon. The Germans have some explaining to do.

Can you believe Ravi gets to do this for a living.

[name redacted] thinks my idea for a sitcom character whose catch phrase is "Shut up! I'm raping you!" and who hits people with a giant inflatable penis "isn't funny."

She has lots of invalid opinions if you ask me.


This pallet fell off a truck.

MTG Alpha Booster Box Magic the Gathering OMG WTF L@@K
When you compare this to spending one night at the Imperial Suite in the President Wilson Hotel in Geneva, Switzerland for $33,000, this is really not that much money.

Special Q&A: eBay edition

Let's say someone had too much money, what are some of the toys that someone could buy?

A badass Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher) unproduced action figure.

A handmade 8' long Star Wars Star Destroyer scaled to the 4'' figures.

A G.I. Joe Nurse.

A prototype Logan's Run doll.

Believe it or not, a Greatest American Hero Action Figure Set.

A Julio Franco figure.

An Action Man (British G.I. Joe toy line) Cricket Player.

A truckbed of G.I Joes. Actually, this looks like a pretty good deal.

A rare Kamala figure. Or, what might be a fake rare Kamala figure.


This aswesome link swiped from BoingBoing.


Those are just apple cores and Chinese newspapers Edition

Does anyone want any Luna Bars?

I sort of bought 117 of them yesterday, along with 76 Cliff Bars, and 10 Powerbars - all for $5 total. So you can see how I could not refuse.

My Pet Goat
After reading the enclosed story "The Pet Goat," I was stunned by its lyrical beauty and easy cadence. The tempo, the choice of words, and the layout on each page captured my imagination so much that it took me about seven minutes to recover my bearings.

Writes "Lolla Fallujah"

Recipe #12: Goma-Nori
You can make a great seaweed topping by blending roasted nori, sesame seeds, garlic powder and salt in a coffee grinder.


I really wish these nut jobs would stop auto-phoning my house.

A Recent Email I Wrote:
Did I ever send you a postcard? or just talk about doing it? To what
address can i send this primitive form of correspondence now?

I've been thinking of getting one of those job things too, but then i
think about other things, hummus mostly, and then next thing I know
it's July.

Read any good comics lately? I just read this Christian comic called
"The Cross and The Switchblade" from 1971. It was brilliant in parts,
way better than Roy Lichtenstein. Which reminds me, I was thinking of
starting my own Christian sect, but I always think that whenever I
watch a history channel show about Jesus. I tired to start a new
religon in high school but abandonded it when it turned out to exist
already as secular buddhism.

Unfortunately I seem to be obtaining new books faster than I can read
them, and this is not due to a lack of reading.
[description of recently aquired books omitted]

Optimizing my reading has become a recent nerotic obsession, much like
the month I spent (while in Japan) trying to eat as many different
fruits and vegetables each day as possible, and keeping a running
count. I think most days I was past 20. Also the vivid hallucinations
of having my hands mangled, did I mention those? But now these tics
are both faint memories along with the countless other rituals
forgotten over the years. Like the unbookmarked webpage you read
everyday and then one day never read again. (What a perfect analogy!)
Unfortunately, the net result of my drive to optimize my reading time
has been that I haven't read very much at all because I become
unsatisfied with slow passages or lackluster books, and thus I surely
I have bookmarks holding my place in at least half dozen tomes at the
Luckily this has only been the case for a few days. Still, I long for
a time when, even for just a day, I won't have any books to read.

[further discussion of books recently read omitted] ...and am not fond of
mandated capitalization because it is stifling my creative expression.

But anyway, I have like boxes of books i have to go read now.
[book titles omitted] ...all 45 volumes
of the 1970s manga "Lone Wolf and Cub" (cost $45, will sell for $100
and then decide whether to buy the newer translation ($150) which
publishes more than the 45 issues I have. Like reading the entire old
testemant and then finding out there is a new testemant as well.)
[further titles ommited] ...including Keasey's One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest which I should get to any year now.

So yeah, i'm gonna go get right on that now.


"As far as me and the vice presidency is concerned ... I spent a number of years in a North Vietnamese prison camp in the dark and (was) fed scraps, and I don't know why I would want to do that all over again," McCain said at a rally in San Diego.


Zombies are the new black, among other things.

(via memepool)

LA Tofu Test
Unleash the power of tofu!

Also, check out the Tofu Ninja.

Thanks, Josh!


I would like a pair of soccer goalie gloves to wear all the time around town. know: ( )


Art Spiegelman publishes what is basically his first comic work since 1991's MAUS II, In The Shadow Of No Towers, in September.


Ignorance is a disease of the mind writes "De La (Soul) was sued by the Turtles for sampling "You Showed Me" on the 3 Feet (High And Rising) track "Transmitting Live From Mars". Before that very few people knew who the Turtles were."


Just because sampling lawsuits are retarded doesn't mean that The Turtles didn't sell a million records, have a number 1 single (So Happy Together), work with Frank Zappa, and play sold out arenas.

Unless you mean "very few people" in the sense of only 50 or 100 million out of 6 billion people.


Power Japanese part 3
NOUN literally "Daikon Legs"
1. Fat Legs

...did I mention Daikons?

Power Japanese part 2
NOUN literally "octopus monk"
1. Baldy. The rough cultural equivalent of "cue-ball"


Power Japanese part 1
1. a fuckin' priest
2. a brat
Fun Fact: Priests and little boys are associated by means of the shaven parts former and the close-cropped heads of the latter (mandatory before World War II).

Excerpted and abrivated from Beyond Polite Japanese by Akihiko Yonekawa.


If and when I go bald, I'm definately getting a Samurai haircut.


W Ketchup

"You don't support Democrats. Why should your ketchup?"

Trial Law
The defining case in Edwards' legal career wrapped up that same year. In 1993, a five-year-old girl named Valerie Lakey had been playing in a Wake County, N.C., wading pool when she became caught in an uncovered drain so forcefully that the suction pulled out most of her intestines. She survived but for the rest of her life will need to be hooked up to feeding tubes for 12 hours each night. Edwards filed suit on the Lakeys' behalf against Sta-Rite Industries, the Wisconsin corporation that manufactured the drain.

Reminds me of a certain puke inducing Chuck Palahniuk short story, "Guts," that I can no longer find an MP3 link for.


"CLARIFICATION: It has come to the editor's attention that the Herald-Leader neglected to cover the civil rights movement. We regret the omission."


Giant Fucking Mushroom Found

Via VeganPorn

Colin Powell performs YMCA at the close of Indonesian conference...


Download GLtron.


Listen, I don't want to get off on a rant here...

Also, Watch this stop motion Lucky Strike commercial.

One Got Fat is the best Absurdist/Educational film I've ever seen.

A post modern Suessian masterpiece and such. How have I gone my entire life without seeing this? Don't wait a minute longer, watch One Got Fat.

Fun Fact: "Even a newspaper can protect you from a bad burn" if you hold it over you face during an atomic blast.

This government propaganda seems designed more to drum the populace into a constant state of fear than to offer helpful suggestions. I'm at a complete loss for a modern analogue to compare this to.
- Duck and Cover